I have been thinking about Peter Jackson a lot this week. Yes, the Peter Jackson who directed the Lord of the Rings movies and the latest version of King Kong. That guy. In one of the "behind the scenes" features that chronicals how his King Kong film was made (I love those, by the way.. often times more so than the actual film, but I'm a film geek) Peter Jackson is shown falling asleep while directing. The production was 2/3 of the way completed. The production crew had done a lot, the light was seen at the end of the tunnel, but there was just so much still to do. So there was Peter Jackson on a day when he was just exhausted.. he had been working too hard, pushing too long and he'd had enough. And the documentary film crew seemed to find great pleasure in catching him asleep in his chair, when he should have been directing scenes.Now, I am in no way trying to compare myself to a great director like Peter Jackson. I have no idea the pressures of managing a crew of thousands working in multiple studios, or helming a $150 million dollar production... but in my own little small way, I am feeling the weariness of reaching a mid point in production, and just finding myself completely exhausted.
In my little film world, production on my current documentary began 2 months ago. As normal, it starts slowly, then revs into full blown madness by early October. Now, in some ways, it could feel as though I am almost done... there are only 2 league games left in the season to film and by next Tuesday the regular season will be finished. But the team is doing very well, so going to the State tournament (at least the first rounds) is pretty much a given, meaning that production will continue well into November. That puts me about.. two thirds done filming... with the giant task of putting the film together still looming. And so it feels like a giant shrinking box. If I look behind me, I have the huge pile of video shot so far that I need to finish editing. If I look in front of me, I see many more games, interviews, special shots, etc that need to be filmed over the next few weeks, that will all need to be edited down. If I turn to my left, I see footage coming in from multiple cameras that I am not even filming myself, but other people filming for me at events I can't make it to, and if I turn my head to the right, I see the giant calendar on the wall, loaded with deadlines and milestones that I have to make in order to get all this done in time. And with all those walls quickly closing in, it's easy to see why at this very stage, I can really stress out and shut down.
Add to that the physical toll of all this.. I have a regular 8 -5 job, that requires a lot of focus and a high attention to details. Then, take last week for example.. I was out late at night shooting on Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night and all day on Saturday. By Sunday, my brain was total mush. Literally. My body just started to shut down and by Monday I was out sick, just trying to get my body back on track.
So what does this kind of self abuse do to my physical system? Let's take a look at a couple of examples:
First, Sunday night.. Having just woken up from an unexpected 3 hour nap (I fell asleep trying to help Little Calvin update his blog.. just couldn't stay awake and I kept forgetting what I was doing mid-task) I headed to the kitchen to cook dinner for the family. Tonight it was "Chicken Goop", a family favorite recipe that I learned to cook as a kid and now continue to cook on a monthly basis for my own family. I think it's formal name is Chicken Ala King, but who knows.. to us it's just Chicken Goop. Like I said, I have been cooking the stuff every month (sometimes more) for the last.. well, ok it's been awhile since I was a kid, so I know it well. But in my current fried mental state, I got halfway through the gravy portion, bubbling away on the stove, and suddenly I couldn't remember the next ingredient. And it wasn't just short term... Try as I might.. I COULDN'T REMEMBER a thing. It kind of freaked me out. And it wasn't a small ingredient... like a specialized spice or something. Regardless of what inner realms of my brain I searched, nothing was coming. Finally I admitted defeat, swallow my pride, and call my Mom to ask her about the recipe. Yes, the recipe that I cook so often. THAT's what project exhaustion can do for the mind. Oh.. and the missing ingredient that my brain couldn't manage to come up with? Milk. Yes... Milk. Six whole cups of it.
But here's where I really knew I was losing it:
Yesterday, I was driving between work and the next game to film. It had been a busy day trying to make up for being out sick on Monday. I tend to use this car time to transition.. from being a web manager to film producer. In order to do this, the iPod gets plugged in and the volume goes way up as I listen to the same music the girls on the team are using to fire them up for a good game.
So there I am, rocking out to the tunes mentally visualizing various shots I needed to get that night and how they could ultimately be edited to fit various songs in the playlist. Suddenly, I hear a strange noise. I had been hearing something.. odd for a little while, but it finally clicked in that whatever this was.. was not normal.
So I listened.. very carefully, trying to figure out what this was that could be plaguing my car (over the booming sound of the stereo, that is). My ear goes towards the engine, carefully listening.. no, it sounded ok. The ear goes to my door.. no, that sounds ok too. Back seat? Nope.. all clear. FINALLY, I have enough sense to actually turn the volume down on the stereo to try to listen to what may be going on, fearing the worst.
And finally, as I drove down the freeway in silence, do I realize just what this oddball sound was.... It was my horn. Yes.. My HORN. From the way I had my hand positioned on the steering wheel as I was driving, I was holding down the horn as I obliviously blazed down the freeway.. for miles.... All I could do was laugh at myself and my crazy, brain dead state that seemed to be taking over.
So.. just in case I say something wacky, or do something... odd over the next couple of weeks, be forewarned... I am not that mentally with it right now. There is too much going on and I am in "lose my brain" mode. Hey, at least I didn't lock myself in the bathroom this time.. (I'll save that little tale for another blog time). But yeah.. get me tired, stressed and mentally exhausted and who knows what crazy thing I'll do.. or forget to do apparently..
In retrospect, I don't know which scenario is better... Being a director that falls asleep from exhaustion in his directors chair, mid scene, like Peter Jackson, or me, being a mental case, forgetting the basics of life and driving like an idiot... Either way, it signals to me that I need more sleep. I'll work to take my projects one day at a time, edit one game at a time and remember that the light at the end of the tunnel really is in sight, after I survive the next few weeks.
Back to editing!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............................
