Flashback: Anyone remember this post from almost exactly two years ago? Let's refresh.. Little Calvin, just weeks earlier, had gotten his first two "real" pets... the tank full of fish don't REALLY count to little kids as pets, since you can't scoop them out of their tank and play with them on the floor.. (well... most times... I'll save that story for another time..) Anyhoo.. He had just gotten two little gerbils, Max and Vader, and he was loving life with them. Playing with them, taking such good care of them. Then suddenly, one became sick and for the first time, we thought we'd have to start explaining the concept of death, life after death, dealing with death.. all that hard stuff for a child to come to grips with. Luckily, the little gerbil came through, recovered and went back to his active gerbil life.
Fast forward two years later. Inside Little Calvin's gerbil cage sit... Max and Vader. Still going strong. And in that two years, Little Calvin has become the little gerbil expert. He works very hard to keep the cage clean, water in the bottles, food in the dish (sometimes a bit much.. but that's ok) and he pulls each one out multiple times each day to give them their proper attention. He loves on them, kisses them, let's them run around in their play areas under his close supervision. He has been a fantastic pet owner!
Then came Monday night. He had both gerbils out to watch him play a computer video game (apparently gerbils like to do that since when he asks them if they want to watch.. they nod.) He made the observation that the entire time he had been playing, his gerbil, Vader, hadn't tried to bite him even once. Side note... Vader was not the friendliest gerbil.. he liked to bite.. go figure. He suddenly became concerned that Vader was getting sick. He carefully brought him to us to check, and sure enough, we could tell that something just wasn't right with the little thing.
From there on out, we switched gears from gerbil playing to gerbil hospital. We had to move the cage out of his room to keep an eye on what was going on... we started to use a syringe to help him drink water every few hours. My wife and I could just look at him, consider his age.. and we knew it was highly unlikely that this would end well. We began to prepare Little Calvin for the fact that his little pet, may soon be going to "become God's gerbil". Tears poored down on Monday night as he struggled to understand why this had to happen. Suffice it to say.. it was not an easy evening in our house.
But.. much to our surprise.. Tuesday morning, it was still alive. Obviously not doing well, but just too strong to give up. Tuesday night.. still going.. just not moving much and occasionally convulsing. Wednesday morning, he was still alive, just not moving around.
Wednesday evening, Dawn had a later meeting and so I picked up Little Calvin from school before heading home. I meant to get in the house before him to go check the cage for a status update, but by golly.. Little Calvin is FAST getting in that house when he knows one of his gerbils needs to be checked. He sprinted for the cage, and rather than looking through the plastic to watch for a breath first, he just dove on into the cage, plucking up Vader and held him to see if he was ok. Instantly, he looked at me, very puzzled. "Dad!" he said, very confused, "Why is he so stiff.. he feels all hard"!! I told him to gently put him back in the cage and come get in my lap. That's when I had to break the news.. "When they got all hard like that.. that means that they have died." I didn't want to have to tell him, I felt like ripping my heart out.. but it's a lesson we all have to learn somehow. Once again, as they had many many times in the last three days, the tears came on strong. I held him.. wishing I could wave the magic wand and make it all instantly better, to bring back his typical ultra happy self, but I knew that I had to give him time to mourn and to try to understand.
Soon, Dawn was home and together we could help him come to grips. We found the perfect little box.. just Vader sized, put him inside with a little favorite chew toy and Little Calvin found a flower for him. Then looking inside the box, but trying to be strong, and with tears in his eyes as he gently pet him, he said "Good bye Vader. You've been a great gerbil. You'll be ok." Then.. on his own he shut the box and returned to his Mom's arms for some much needed hugs.
Since we are short on land that we can dig up, I delivered the box to a friends house with lots of land and the experiences of many children and grandchildren of their own having had similar experiences. They promised to take care of it and make it special so that the next time Little Calvin came to visit them he could see how it all turned out.
I know.. it's only a little gerbil. But for Little Calvin, this was his first real experience with death. This week there have been so many tears, so many hugs and even more questions. It's been totally exhausting. It's just such an interesting thing to think about as a parent. I know from looking at my own life, that those really dark times.. those horrible experiences.. those really sad times... those are the things that really helped me to grow.. to learn.. and to understand. Yet as a parent, it's the hardest thing in the world to watch you child hurt and grieve and really struggle. It's almost like you don't want them to have to endure the very things that will make them who they will eventually become.
And so now we become a one gerbil household. We learn to treasure all the time we have with our family, no matter how big or small. There is time to grieve and there is time to slowly let it go. We know it will be a rough few days as we make the transition, but as they say.. this to shall pass.
But... to little biting Vader.. You've been a good gerbil.. you'll be ok... And so will Little Calvin.
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