Now Established: The Holiday Rules

It's been a few months since we have had a "big" holiday. And what I mean by big holiday is one of the slew of holidays that seems to take over your entire existence. Sure, we had the Labor Day just a few weeks ago, but like that counts. That's just a day off work before school starts back up. And the Fourth of July? Sure it's fun lighting off fireworks, being patriotic and having mid summer picnics. But you don't see people putting out their fourth of July decorations in May. What I am talking about here are the biggies: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. The ones just upon us.

But as we approach this festive time of year, we need a few rules. I don't want to sound like a Scrooge, but people in this day and age will grossly take advantage of their festiveness, if not given a few ground rules. You see this a lot, especially as the stores start putting out their next holiday wares the day after the previous holiday. There's nothing as eye rolling to me as going into Target the day after Christmas, only to find shelves full of Valentines candy. Or to walk into Jamba Juice on November first for a nice fruit smoothie only to hear their Christmas music mix blaring out the sound system. If I wasn't craving my Caribbean Passion, I would have turned around and left the store in protest. Even now.. it's September and if I walk into Costco, I have to look at the giant inflatable Santa in the middle of the store.

But I understand that business in business. But individuals can control themselves. And so.. I am officially declaring the "holiday rules". And yes, I expect that by my declaring these right here on my blog, that all Americans will comply and obey, out of respect for... well.. The Holiday Rules. And so America.. here they are:

Calvin's OFFICIAL Holiday Rules:
1. Halloween season officially begins October 1st. Therefor, no halloween decorations may adorn your house prior to this date. Halloween season ends promptly at midnight on November 1st. I do not want to see pumpkins, graveyards, ghosts, etc on your lawn until the official season begins.

2. Thanksgiving season begins November 1st. No, there is no overlap between Halloween and Thanksgiving. They are two different things. Halloween is all about scaring your neighbors and making all the neighborhood kids too scared to come near your house on Halloween night, thus allowing you to keep the large bowl of snickers bars all for yourself. Thanksgiving is all about the dying days of fall, eating yourself silly with turkey and not getting in trouble for having one slice of every pie on the counter. Thanksgiving ends at midnight that day.

3. Christmas season begins the day after Thanksgiving. That means I don't want to see your house lit up with lights in early November. I don't want to see Santa at the mall, or Christmas tree lots opening up early.You must WAIT until the day after Thanksgiving and THEN.. knock yourself out... do a Chevy Chase to your house (I do). Just not BEFORE.

4. Once a holiday is officially over, get your butt out of the house and take your stuff down and put it away. I don't want to see your lights still hanging up in July. It just tells me your are lazy. I don't need to celebrate Valentines day with your giant inflatable pumpkin still laying there on the lawn, having not been inflated for months. Please, people, take responsibility for your holiday decorating!

As I said, I am not trying to be a Scrooge here. I just want our Holiday time, as fun as it is, to stay pure. I don't want to be sick of Christmas three weeks before the actual holiday. I want to enjoy the whole season start to finish. I want the enjoyment of seeing all the decorations in the right time and right setting. It's like coming to a party too early or staying to late. It's just wrong.

So, take notice America. Calvin has spoken!