The Dream is... Delayed

Ok, time for a large dose of unwanted reality. I have been struggling for the last few weeks on a decision that somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew was coming like a roaring freight train. But I wanted more than anything to avoid... to just continue on my course and ignore.

The good news: I have had a fairly descent last few weeks of running and marathon training. I have put in a lot of miles. I got to have a nice run in the snow while in Idaho.. and the other night I had a bizarre run where it was so foggy, I couldn't see ANYTHING in front of me... a very strange feeling to not really know where you are in the run or how far you have gone.. or where the cars are! So I have been energized by my runs and where they have taken me.

The bad news: Those runs are only 5 miles a piece, not the 10 -15 that they should be at this stage of the game. And after the run is over, my knees feel... loose, for lack of a better term. Not painful, but instead of feeling like I have a nice strong support system in my legs, with ligaments and muscles holding everything together in my knees, it feels like I just have wobbly bones, with nothing really holding it all together. It feels as though I could take one wrong misstep, and everything will just fall to pieces, leaving my in a heap on the ground. It is the same way my knees felt four years ago, right before I went on a slightly too long run and blew out my right knee in an overuse injury. So I am getting paranoid, as I really don't want to repeat my past mistakes and spend the next 6 months in physical therapy trying to get my knee to move correctly again.

So that means I need to take a break and rest those knees before pushing it any harder. This way, I will prevent the overuse injury and hopefully be better off in my long term running plan in the future. BUT, that also means... gulp.. that after almost 18 months of hard work... I have to admit defeat in that I will not be able to handle the Disneyworld Marathon in 3 weeks.

Now it sucks enough that I wont be able to run the race that I was so looking forward to, but it just doesn't help that I lose all the money invested in it. I lose my entry fee, and I lose my plane tickets, purchased with frequent flier miles that they don't give back if you cancel your ticket. (And what really is logical.. if I call the airlines and CANCEL my free ticket, so that they can resell it and make their money back.. they charge me $100.... $100 to CANCEL. Whereas if I just don't show up to the flight, nothing happens, and the airlines lose money... smart thinking guys! I guess being honest costs money!)

So the dream is not over yet... Just delayed. I am looking at a half marathon here in Oregon on April 29th, giving me 4 more months to prepare without overdoing it on the marathon required 20 mile training runs.

Am I disappointed? Very! I was looking forward to beginning 2007 by accomplishing a lifelong goal and relaxing in one of my favorite places on the planet. And I may very well be grumpy come January 5th, when I was supposed to be flying out, but such is life. We take our hits, we discover realities, we find our limits, we learn from our mistakes... and then we try again.

The marathon is not dead.. just delayed for the time being.