Card Writers: You're fired!

I just have to vent for a second... It's that time of year again.. The time when the green has returned to the trees, the flowers are blooming, the weather is finally warming up and the rain is stopping... time to celebrate the wonder of mothers. Of course, that also means that it is time to go down to the card store and spend endless amounts of time, going through the dreadfully painful process of reading Mother's Day cards.

Now by all means, don't get me wrong here.. I am not complaining about celebrating Mothers Day. I am all for that. My Mom is a wonderful woman, very deserving of all the praise in the world. She actually survived raising a Calvin (and believe me, has stories to tell!!!!) So she deserves all the thanks, praise, and love that is possible. And my wife... what an amazing woman she is! She blows my mind every day with her dedication, love, commitment and talent! I thank the good Lord every day that she is in my life. So again, it's not the woman I am complaining about here, it is the INSANELY TERRIBLY cards written to supposedly honor these women!

I mean, who writes these things? All these card writers should just be fired. How many cards with cheesy looking chimpanzees holding flowers do I have to sort through looking for that perfect card. You pretty much have 2 choices... the insultingly "funny" cards that no one laughs at.. so dumb they insult my intelligence, let alone the people I will be sending these too. Or the serious "weepy" cards that go all out in expressing love and emption. ahhhhhhhhhh.

I personally don't get the all lovey dovey cards. It's a cop out in my mind. You get the card that's all serious in expression of love and then you don't have to say anything... It's all taken care of for you. I saw an episode of King of Queens the other day where Doug (the central character husband is getting harassed by Carrie his wife, for never doing anything romantic. He showed her he sent a card. She said "you didn't even write anything!!" to which he replied "Hallmark said it so perfectly.." Seeee, it's a cop out. It requires no effort. So I try to find the perfect humorous card: something that really touts my bizarre, Calvinesque sense of humor, then I add my own loving message. To me, it means more, the recipient gets to laugh at my messed up humor and at the same time, read a REAL personal message from my heart, not Hallmarks.

Problem with this approach is just what I mentioned... do you realize how many TERRIBLE cards one has to sort through to find the one genuinely funny card. My eye balls hurt from all the eye rolling I had to do. My brain hurt from all the monkeys, potty jokes, and pride induced self congratulatory cards (You must have been a great mom.. you raised a kid like ME!) that only work to raise our own egos.

I think all these card writers should be fired. MOTHERS DESERVE MORE!

And so, After an hour of searching, gagging, and elbowing all the other procrastinators out of the way, fighting for room to get at the cards, I leave the store, with the best cards I can possibly find under my arm, desperately trying to think of a new way to change this age old tradition. Hey maybe I can write praise to my Mom in a blog.... hmmmmmmm..... maybe next year....